Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
