I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
