I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
