We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
