I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
