they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
