I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
