My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
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