I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
