dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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