Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize