i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Randomize
