My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
