i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
