In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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