butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
