broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
