What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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