Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
