i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
