I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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