I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
