I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
