Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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