Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
