Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
