We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
