I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
