I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
