apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I can't put those talents on a resume
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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