bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
