U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
