Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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