oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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