I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
