I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
