So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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