oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I deserve this hangover.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
