Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
