Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
