Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
