he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
