Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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