she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
