im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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