So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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