Midget sex pt 2 tonight
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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