Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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