I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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