I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Randomize