apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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