pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
