Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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