Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
