you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
