How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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