U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize