Screwed.edu
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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