just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
