my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
two words...techno handjob
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
