booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just cropdusted the office
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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