the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
