For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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