We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
