wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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