So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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