how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You need Xanax blowdarts
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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