She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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