chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
