Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
