Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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