I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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