dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
