Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize